"It's like learning to walk again": a developer who was a housewife for four years shares how she managed to return (it was hard!)
She says if she had known in advance, she would never have taken a break.
She says if she had known in advance, she would never have taken a break.
Irina* quit her IT company in spring 2020. She thought she’d take a short break before finding a better job. But in the fall, her family relocated. Irina became a stay-at-home mom for several years. She told devby about her journey back to the profession after a long break (our interviewee has been working again for a year now).
«I thought: once I settle in the new place, I’ll finally start looking for a job»
—It’s important to talk about this topic because returning to your profession isn’t easy. In recent years, many Belarusian women have forcibly (or voluntarily) become homemakers due to relocation and have faced or will face the challenge of returning to work. Let me share how it was for me.
I worked my entire life—except when I had a child (which is different; when you’re on «maternity leave,» you’re still working, just differently). I was a Joomla developer for three years and hit a glass ceiling. Joomla became too small for me—like kindergarten pants—so I decided to change technologies and work with React.js. This meant finding another job.
I quit in April 2020, deciding to give myself some time to breathe, recover, and learn at my own pace. Then we relocated: in October, my husband, our child, and I moved all the way to Africa.
I thought: okay, once I settle in the new place, I’ll finally start looking for a job.
But they say moving is almost like experiencing a house fire for a reason. Every day I had a million things to do: enroll my child in school and work with him daily.
The school we enrolled our son in followed the Russian curriculum. First-graders there come from preparatory programs: they already know how to read, solve simple problems, and more. My child had to catch up with everyone—and who would help him if not his stay-at-home mom?
Later, we hired a tutor for our son because everyone here speaks English, and I became a mom-taxi: taking my seven-year-old to the teacher, then picking him up (he was too young to go alone in a foreign country).
…And days turned into weeks—and suddenly it was summer. It seems like almost a year is a long time, but for me, time collapsed, and I didn’t have even an hour to spare for myself or for studying.
Eventually, things got a bit easier time-wise, and I gradually adapted. My husband didn’t demand that I get a job.
From the outside, it might seem like someone who doesn’t go to work has no responsibilities. But in reality, you clean more, cook more—and better. I started going to the gym, spending time with my son, taking him to activities, and studying English (I had learned French in school and university).
«I thought: where would I fit in—there are so many specialists for every position»
At first, not working was pleasant—you get a feeling of freedom: no deadlines or responsibilities.
But the flip side is no opportunities for self-realization. People say homemakers just sit at home. In reality, they have plenty to do: they clean, cook—but this doesn’t give them «karma points.» Everything goes unnoticed because tomorrow you start all over again (not even tomorrow, today: the family eats lunch, and everything resets—the homemaker starts washing dishes and preparing dinner). And you don’t feel recognized for your achievements, have fewer opportunities to set and reach goals, and, importantly, to notice your progress. It’s different when you’re working: you hear «friends, we released a new feature—everyone did great» or «we launched a release, we’re awesome.» At home, the most you hear is: «Thanks, that was delicious!»
After a year in the new country, I started thinking that it was probably time to return to work. And you know, at that moment, a new feeling emerged—insecurity about my abilities. For the first time in my life, I doubted myself: I didn’t really know anything, who would hire me, could I go to work every day, would I handle the workload?!
I don’t know where this came from. My husband reassured me: «Of course you can do it—you’ve always managed.» But this unpleasant feeling was stronger. And objectively: in a year, technologies had advanced, new frameworks appeared that I hadn’t worked with. I watched what my husband did—he’s also a front-end developer—and thought, «God, I don’t understand anything at all.»
At some point, I thought: what if I look for a position here—we have many hotels in the area. I was offered a technical position—processing tour bookings on a computer. And I even started thinking: really, what else am I capable of?
My husband insisted: «You don’t need an unskilled job, you should go back and work as a programmer.»
And you know, another year passed as I fought with myself—with insecurity and depressive thoughts. Plus, let’s not forget that in 2023 there were many layoffs—I read the news and was horrified: companies were letting go of entire teams, hundreds and even thousands of people lost their jobs. Many froze hiring. And I thought: where would I fit in—there are so many specialists for every position, and those developers are much stronger than me.
At that moment, I so regretted deciding to take a career break in 2020. Honestly, if someone had told me what would happen, I would never have done it. I would have switched to part-time or quarter-time, worked on my own schedule—but stayed in the profession. It’s very difficult to return to IT after several years away!
«I accepted as fact: I would have to relearn the basic foundations of my profession»
During this time, I listened to many podcasts on this topic—how to return to work after a long break.
Russian-speaking bloggers have little content on this, but Americans have a lot. Each U.S. state has its own laws: in Illinois, children must be supervised by an adult until 14, in Mississippi, Delaware, and Colorado—until 12, in Michigan—until 11, in Washington, Tennessee, Oregon, and New Mexico—until 10, in North Dakota—until 9, and in North Carolina, Maryland, and Georgia—until 8. And women who can’t hire a nanny often stay home with their children until they reach the required age—and then face this exact problem.
So I listened to psychologists’ lectures and stories from ordinary American women—and recognized myself in them. And this helped me. Because although my husband supported me, he clearly didn’t understand my problem: «You worked before—you’ll just return, it’s like riding a bicycle.» But no, it’s different. Mentally, it’s like learning to walk again.
And thanks to these podcasts, I gradually started learning—again, from scratch.
And I realized that this is exactly what I had been resisting, but then accepted as fact: I would have to relearn the basic foundations of my profession (and you know, now I’ll say this: the faster you accept that you’ve forgotten everything and simply need to start learning from the beginning—the faster you’ll solve your problem).
I took a course on Udemy, then another…
Another year passed this way—I just studied: went through React step by step, then started JavaScript from the beginning. Yes, it was easier for me than for those learning everything from scratch—I knew a lot previously, just didn’t remember. It’s like with chemistry and biology: you studied them in school, but the knowledge «evaporated» over time—and to restore it, you need to hit the books. It was hard to accept the fact that I was a junior again—but that was the reality.
Then I started solving problems on LeetCode, created a LinkedIn page—and began writing posts. After that, it was time for interviews…
«I started working on myself: writing code—and explaining each action»
To be honest, at first, there was failure after failure. I would get upset after each «no"—and take a month-long break to recover because I felt so discouraged. But then I’d pull myself together and start searching again.
I remember successfully passing my first technical interview—"wow,» I was ready to dance. That was the turning point; after that, it got somewhat easier, even if I heard from recruiters that I hadn’t moved forward. I understood that I was capable of repeating that success somewhere else.
I also remember my first live coding: sitting in front of two developers—and unable to do or say anything, completely frozen. After about 15 minutes, they said: «No, that’s it, goodbye!» And it was so frustrating—how could this happen? But writing code in front of others is just a skill; it also needs to be practiced.
And yes, I started working on myself: I wrote code at home—verbalizing and explaining each of my actions. As a result, eventually I was able to code in public—and heard from interviewers: «Yes, everything is good.»
I looked for work in different markets, often receiving automatic rejections from European companies. I believe they were related to my location—in Africa. But I also applied for positions at companies from the UAE, and companies with Belarusian and Russian roots.
Naturally, I only considered remote work options—which also narrowed my search.
At first, I kept job search statistics: I sent 200 applications and diligently recorded the results for each in an Excel spreadsheet, as HR experts advise. But then I stopped. It’s very time-consuming—and there was no progress, just constant rejections and ghosting. Positive response rate: 1–1.5%.
At some point, I started opening only those job board listings marked as interview invitations—to avoid focusing on the negative. I didn’t even look at rejection messages.
«We agreed to learn together: we’d take a topic, master it, and then call each other once a week»
My weakest point, I thought, was the «gap» in my resume. I tried to camouflage it—included all my pet projects, added small freelance jobs I had taken from marketplace websites.
If they didn’t directly ask during an interview what I had been doing for the last 3 years, I tried to talk about my previous experience.
I also realized that I really helped myself by studying English all this time. I started with the alphabet—and after 3 years, I reached B2 (with an IELTS score of 6.0). And I’m grateful to myself for being able to comfortably pass interviews in English.
I’d also like to share what helped me not give up and continue my job search. Through the Women in Tech program for women in IT who want to return to the profession, I met a woman—a Belarusian relocatee—who was looking for work at that time.
We agreed to learn together: we’d take a topic, study it independently—and then call each other once a week to review. Later our calls turned into interview rehearsals and post-interview analysis—we shared experiences and discussed problems.
In moments of despair, we supported each other. You might say: but you had your husband’s support. But a husband isn’t the same—he wasn’t in my shoes or experiencing those emotions. But this woman was—she understood me 100% and could find the right words to keep me from giving up.
We had such an interesting dynamic: she was the first to successfully pass technical interviews, and I started thinking: my friend did it—I need to push harder too. Then she applied to a large company—and I decided: yes, it’s time to repeat this feat.
Now we both work at companies—but we still have plenty to talk about. We discuss work processes, conflict situations. We’ve truly become close friends, but typically don’t discuss anything beyond our profession. And we’ve never met in person—only online.
By the way, I also practiced English with a partner—a woman from Russia. I found her on Facebook, and we called each other weekly for two years. With her, I significantly improved my conversational skills.
«I found people on LinkedIn and asked them to pass my resume to their company’s HR»
In my job search, I tried many tactics. One of them was finding people on LinkedIn who work at well-known companies and asking them to pass my resume to their HR. That’s exactly how I got an interview with a company from Dubai.
And later, I used the same method for interviews—I would message company employees: «Hi! I have an interview with you tomorrow, can you give me any recommendations?» Some people helped with advice. One guy was so responsive—he practically «went through» all the stages with me: guiding, supporting.
As you’ve probably gathered, gradually, interview by interview, I started advancing further. I even risked applying to companies with multi-stage selection systems—"T-bank» and «Yandex"—and progressed significantly further than just the first HR conversation.
My result at «Yandex"—four stages, cut at the last one. At «T-bank» I successfully passed everything—the recruiter even congratulated me in an email, and I was already anticipating an offer. In my dreams I had even spent my first salary, but the team preferred a senior candidate over me (I had applied as a mid-level).
Everything I did brought me closer to my goal. A year ago, a team lead from a Cypriot fintech startup messaged me on LinkedIn and invited me for an interview. After our conversation, I received a test assignment (by this point, I was increasingly declining test assignments, preferring to spend an hour or two on an interview rather than a day on a test—only to hear: «No»). And immediately after the test, they said, «Yes, we’re ready to work with you!»
I should also mention that the salary offered was lower than I wanted. And that’s something to be prepared for when returning to your profession after a long break. I figured that since I had a chance to work, it was worth compromising on money.
